Trying to Figure Out This Life
by N.S.Bennett
Summary: Elizabeth 'Lis' Teller is Jax's younger sister and her older brother isn't the only one trying to figure out the world they live in. (Shitty summary, sorry! Starts just before season one) Rated M just to be safe. Some chapters may be distressing
1. Chapter 1

Jax smiled before answering his phone. "Hey Lissie."

"Jaxie! Sup ma brother!" Lis said and Jax laughed. "OK, I am never doing that again. I was just calling to let you know that we are almost at the garage and _someone_ is very excited to see his uncle."

"Hey Sammy!"

"Unca Jax!" The three-year-old called out, making Jax smile.

"Hi Buddy. You coming to see some cars?"

"Yeah!"

Suddenly there was a strange noise, almost like gunfire hitting metal, and there was a slight swerving noise. "Lis, what's going on?"

"Someone's shooting at us." His sister said in horror. "Sammy, bend down and cover your head." She said calmly although her voice shook slightly. "Sammy, bend down!"

"Mommy, what's happenin'?"

"Just bend down sweetie, OK?" Lis said, the gunshot noises and swerving still echoing in the background. "Jax, are you still there?" Lis asked before screaming as there was the sound of glass shattering.

"Lis? Lis?" Jax asked.

"Jax we're literally one minute away." Lis said, with Sammy calling for her attention, "When we get there, I want you to close the gates straight away. Just stay down Sammy, sweetie. Jax, do you hear me?"

"Yeah, I hear you." Jax said, gesturing to Bobby and Happy to go to the gates. "Just keep driving and Sammy stay down." His head jerked up as he heard the tyres screeching just down the road. "Come on Lis, you're nearly here." The berry coloured people carrier swung into the lot and Happy and Bobby slammed the gates closed. Jax hung up as Lis practically fell out of the car. Her left arm and her leg were bleeding heavily but she limped around as Tig pulled the door open and lifted a lifeless Sammy from the car.

"No. No. Sammy! SAMMY!" Lis screamed, falling to her knees in front of Tig and he gently placed Sammy in her arms. "Sammy come on. Wake up. Wake up. Sammy please." She wept as she cradled him close. "Sammy. Oh Sammy." Jax knelt next to his sister and wrapped an arm around her, pulling her into him as she cried over her dead son, tears falling down his own face at the loss of his nephew.

"What happened?" Clay asked as he reached the group with the others and Gemma before stopping in his tracks at the sight of a bleeding and glass covered Lis holding a dead Sammy. Juice immediately knelt in front of his girlfriend and joined her and Jax in their little mourning huddle, tears pouring down his face. "Lis, who did it?" Clay asked softly and his stepdaughter shook her head.

"I don't know. It came out of nowhere. I tried to get Sammy to stay down but he wouldn't listen." The tears began falling again. "It's all my fault. It's my fault. It's my fault. It's my fault." She repeated over and over again, holding her son close to her.

Once they finally managed to prise Sammy's body away from Lis and Jax had carried her into the clubhouse, Lis sat on the table in chapel and stared into nothingness while Chibs cleaned her up. Unser and a couple of his men had arrived and taken Sammy's body away whilst she was inside. Jax watched his sister as she didn't even flinch while Chibs stitched her without anaesthetic. "There we go lass." The Scot said once he'd finished but Lis didn't respond. Chibs packed up his things and kissed her hair and left the two siblings alone.

"I'm so sorry Lis." Jax said and she finally focussed her eyes on him. "I am so, so sorry." Lis shook her head.

"It wasn't your fault." She sighed, holding a hand out to him. Jax walked over and took her hand, allowing her to kiss his knuckles before pulling him to sit next to her on the table. She nuzzled her head into his shoulder and he carefully wound his arms around her. "The thing is, I'm still gonna be a mom."

"That's the problem when you lose a child. You stay a parent even though you don't have a child anymore. I guess Mom struck lucky when we lost Tommy because she still had both of us." Jax said and Lis shook her head.

"No Jax." She said and he looked at her. "Six weeks." Jax crumpled his forehead in confusion for a second, staring at his sister, not understanding. Suddenly, it hit him and the tears welled in his eyes.

"Does Juice know?" He asked and she shook her head. "Are you going to tell him?"

"Of course. I was going to tell him today, but now…" She trailed off, unable to even think about it. "I'm not entirely sure how he's going to react."

Jax smiled positively. "Juice will be so excited. Trust me." He said and Lis gave him a quick half-smile before leaning in so he could kiss the top of her head. As he held her Jax thought about all the shit his sister had been through. She had been incredibly close with Tommy when they were toddlers and she had been devastated when he died. She had gotten married at eighteen, five months after graduating high school at the top of her class, to a guy who was in her class after being held back two years, and was then divorced before she turned nineteen. She gave birth to Sammy a week late and she raised alone until she met Juice eighteen months ago and the couple had been inseparable ever since. Jax smiled at the thought of his sister's new relationship. It was so much better than her first marriage and she was happier than he had ever seen her. The young intelligence officer had been an incredible stepfather to Sammy and had loved the boy like his own. "Juice is going to be so happy." Jax reassured. "Trust me."


	2. Chapter 2

Lis was hit by a wave of booze, sex and cigarette smoke just as she opened the door to the clubhouse and knew it was a good idea that she'd skipped out on the party the night before. The main room in the clubhouse was in a terrible state and she knew that the boys had had a good time – and they had deserved it. She shook her head with a fond smile, ignoring the slight nausea in her stomach, and dumped her bag on a couch before heading into the kitchen to grab some cleaning equipment and getting started. A door leading into one of the dorm rooms opened and a crow eater appeared in crumpled clothes from the night before, her heels in one hand. Lis gave her a friendly smile and a small wave, having a pretty good friendship with most of them, but her hand faltered when she saw a half-naked Juice behind the girl. Juice made eye contact with her and his eyes widened.

"Get out of here." He said, pushing the crow eater away when she tried to go in for a goodbye kiss. The girl rolled her eyes and ran past Lis on her way out. "Lis."

"What the hell is wrong with you?" She shouted. "You knew I would be here this morning! Are you actually stupid?"

"Lis, come on."

"Come on? Come on?" Lis asked and Juice had the common sense to back up a couple of paces, with his hands in the standard 'calm down' gesture. "Juice, I know the rules of the Club OK? What happens on the road stays on the road, I get it. But not here. You're not supposed to do that at home because it's not supposed to fucking slap me in the face!"

"What the hell is wrong with you today? Are you on your period or something? You're being so fucking hormonal it's driving me insane!"

"I'm driving you insane? _I'm_ driving _you_ insane? Fucking hell Juice! You are the craziest most idiotic person in the entire world that just being next to you is infuriating!" In the fury of their argument, neither of them had noticed all the other members of the gang and Gemma entering the room, disturbed by the noise.

"If I'm so infuriating, why don't you just leave?"

"Because I'm fucking pregnant!" Lis shouted and a loud silence fell over the room.

"You're what?" Juice whispered.

"I'm pregnant. About three months." Lis whispered in reply. Juice's eyes widened and his mouth gaped silently before he closed it again.

"I have to go." He said, grabbing his cut from it's hook and running shoeless out the door. A single silent tear rolled down Lis' cheek and she turned to find herself in Jax's arms.

"You lied. You said he'd be happy. You told me he'd be excited." Lis mumbled into his hoodie and Jax felt like crying.

"I know, I know. I am so sorry Lis. I'm so, so sorry." He whispered into her hair. She pulled back and kissed the corner of his mouth.

"I'm OK. Just a little overwhelmed with hormones." She said and Jax kissed her forehead. Gemma stepped forward and placed a gentle hand on her daughter's lower back.

"Are you absolutely sure?" She asked and Lis nodded.

"I went to the doctor a couple of days before Sammy was killed." She said. "It's been the only thing getting me through the grief of losing Sammy." Gemma's eyes filled with tears and she carefully hugged her daughter tightly. "What do I do Mom?"

"You look after yourself and your child and you will figure it out." She whispered in her ear before kissing her cheek multiple times. "OK sweetheart?" She scanned her daughter's face as she nodded before following her boyfriend out of the door.

Lis smiled sadly as she saw Juice waiting for her on one of the swings in the abandoned playpark. He looked up as he heard footsteps and smiled, standing up to hug her. "Hey." She whispered, breathing in the scent of his body spray.

"Hey." He answered as he released her and they sat down on the bench. "So. This is really happening, huh?"

"Yep."

"I want you to keep it." Juice said, "I want to help you look after our child."

Lis looked up at him in surprise. "You do?"

Juice nodded. "I love you. I really do, I just wasn't sure if I was ready to take this step. But helping you raise Sammy and the grief I felt when he died…" He trailed off, his eyes filling up with tears, "Now you're telling me you're pregnant with my child and I'm so excited. Honest I am, I just freaked out. I mean, what if I drop it? What if I hurt it accidentally or on purpose? What if,"

Lis leant over and gently took his face in her hands. "What if, what if, what if. You forget I already know how you feel. When I found out I was pregnant with Sammy, I didn't feel ready, even though I was already married. I didn't know whether I really wanted him until the first time he smiled at me. It was then that I knew I wanted him, that I need him in my life to keep me sane." She looked at him. "Sometimes you feel the unconditional love for your child when you realise you are expecting and sometimes it comes later. Either way, you feel it." She gripped his face slightly tighter. "I love you Juice. But you have to understand, I can't handle your nights of fun with your screaming baby." He nodded before crumpling his forehead.

"Do they really scream all night?" He asked and she chuckled.

"Depends on the child. Sammy was a screamer. Jax would simply jerk off louder in order to drown it out." Lis answered and they both laughed. "So is this it then? Are you absolutely sure this is what you want? Because once you say yes, there's no going back."

"Yeah. " He grinned his boyish grin. "We love each other too much not to make this work. This is it. This my decision. I want you. Both of you."

"I love you."

"I love you too." Juice said and she leant forwards and kissed him. He pulled her close and kissed her back. Salt tears mixed in with the kiss as both of them cried silently. Juice was the one who pulled away first and he kissed her forehead. "I can't believe this is happening." He said hoarsely and they both gave half-laughs. "I mean, that's my child in there." He said, reaching out and placing a calloused hand over her tiny baby bump. "Whoa." He laughed, reaching over and kissing her again, pulling her legs up onto his lap as she giggled.


	3. Chapter 3

The men all cheered and banged on the surfaces as Lis appeared from the kitchen carrying a tray full of food. All of a sudden she dropped it and her hands fell to her swollen stomach. "Shit."

"Lissie, are you OK?" Jax asked, appearing next to his sister at the speed of light.

"That was a bad one." She said and he looked at her in confusion. Their mother appeared behind them, having heard the noise, and looked at her daughter.

"Lis, how long have you been in labour?" She asked. "Elizabeth." She warned when her daughter didn't answer.

"Since about four am." She answered. "It wasn't that bad and the contractions were quite far apart so I decided to carry on with the day, but I think it might be time to go to the hospital."

"Do you want anything to eat?"

"Can we stop off on the way and get garlic bread from Domino's?" Lis asked and Jax had to laugh at his sister's bizarre request.

"Sure." He smiled and nodded to Opie who scooped her into his arms and she leant her head against his shoulder as he carried her out to the car, all the guys running out to their bikes, providing an escort to the hospital. As Jax had promised, they stopped off at the Domino's and picked up a couple of boxes of garlic bread despite Lis' contractions getting closer together.

"You're going to have to talk to the doctor Mom." Lis said before cutting herself off with a wince as she experienced another contraction. Gemma nodded as she drove down the road and Lis leant against Juice's shoulder as he helped her drink some water. Lis felt a slight trickle of water spread across her lap. "Uh, Mom. Do you think you can drive a little faster?"

"I'm guessing you didn't just wet yourself." Juice said and at his words, Gemma stepped on the gas slightly. Behind them the motorcycles revved up and they were soon pulling into St Thomas' where they were greeted by Donna, who had been texted by Juice on the request of Opie, and Tara with a wheelchair, who had been texted by Jax. Opie lifted Lis out of the car and into the wheelchair and Tara wheeled her inside, everyone following.

"Who would you like in the room with you?" Tara asked, "Obviously Gemma."

"Yeah, Mom and Juice."

Juice blinked at her. "Why me?"

"It's your kid, you idiot." Lis answered and she looked at Tara. "And I want you."

"I was going to be there anyway."

"I know, but we still want you in there for the birth of your godchild." Lis said and Tara stopped pushing her down the corridor.

"Are you both being serious?" She asked and both Lis and Juice nodded.

"But I am still in labour, so you might want to keep going." She said and Tara shook her head and carried on pushing her to the empty labour room. She stood herself up and allowed Juice to help her onto the bed and he turned around while Tara and Gemma helped Lis into the birthing gown before she settled back down onto the bed. Tara left briefly to fetch the midwife and Juice joined Gemma at the side of the bed.

"I want Chibs as godfather." Juice said and Lis nodded.

"That's a good idea." She said as Tara returned with the midwife and a couple of nurses in tow. The midwife smiled at the girl in the bed and the young man beside her. "Hey Shelley."

"Hey Lis, hey Juice. How we doing?" She asked.

"Contractions are about fifty five seconds long and are around every four minutes." Juice answered, just as another one hit and Lis squeezed his hand tightly, making him yelp.

"Okeydokey, let's see how dilated you are." Shelley said before ducking her head to have a look. "Looks like you're about ready."

"Really?"

"It's always quicker in subsequent pregnancies my darlin'." Shelley told her and Lis nodded in understanding before pushing herself into a straighter sitting position. "OK, on your next contraction, take a couple of deep breaths and push through it. You know the drill." Lis nodded again and prepared herself for the task ahead.

Almost as soon as it felt like it had just started, it was over and there was a crying from the other end of the bed. Juice and Lis simultaneously burst into tears as their baby was placed on Lis' chest. "It's a girl."

"Oh my God." Juice whispered, putting a hand over his mouth, "I have a daughter." And then he fainted. Lis looked over the edge of the bed and shook her head, rolling her eyes before returning her gaze to her little girl.

"Hi. Hey sweetie. I'm your mommy. Your silly daddy's passed out on the floor." She murmured, kissing her daughter. "This is your grandma and your aunt Tara." She said as the two crowded around her while the others tried to revive Juice.

"She's so beautiful." Gemma smiled and kissed her daughter's forehead. "You did so well sweetheart." They all turned as Juice gave a slight groan. "Get over here and meet your daughter." Gemma commanded and Juice shakily stood up and sat on the edge of the bed.

"Hi beautiful. I hate being the one to tell you this but I'm your daddy." Juice said, looking down at the small body on his girlfriend's chest. "You are so beautiful." He ran a finger down the back of her tiny hand and shook his head, looking at Lis. "I can't believe we made this."

"Neither can I." Lis said. "You need to cut the cord." She said, nodding to the nurse who was holding out a pair of scissors to him. Juice took them and followed the nurse's directions on how to cut and where to cut. "Shush, shush, beautiful." She said, comforting her daughter, kissing her head and lightly patting her bottom.

"Jax, will you sit down, you're driving me insane." Tig said as the blonde biker paced in the corridor.

"Sorry, I just, we haven't heard anything."

"Hey." Donna said, calling his attention. "No news is good news. If there was a complication, we would have heard by now." She said and Jax nodded before sinking into a crouching position by the wall. The door opened and Tara reappeared, tears streaking her cheeks, and Jax stood up again.

"Everything went perfectly." She hugged Jax and Opie. "She's so beautiful."

"It's a girl?" Piney asked and Tara nodded.

"You can come in and see her if you want to. Normally they wouldn't allow so many people in, but as you are all family, I'm sure we can make an exception." Tara smiled and opened up the door again so they could follow her into the room. Lis was sitting on the bed, fussing over the small bundle in her arms. Juice was sitting on the bed with her, his back to the door, also fussing over the bundle. Gemma looked up and walked over to Clay, kissing him passionately. Lis looked up and Juice turned, both of them smiling at the group.

"May we introduce Ramona Amelia Ortiz." Juice said and they crowded closer. "Chibs." He said, calling the Scot's attention. "Would you like to hold your goddaughter?"

"Yes." He nodded. "Yes, I would." He stepped forwards and Lis leant up handing her daughter over to him. "She's quite heavy for a newborn babe."

"Yes she is." Lis smiled. "Say hello to your uncle Chibs." She instructed her daughter who blinked at the Scot, revealing her dark eyes.

"She's so beautiful. She really is. You're in trouble now Juicy-boy." Chibs smiled, walking over to the group of bikers to show off his goddaughter. They all crowded around to look and obsessed over her tiny hands, her little nose that was so similar to her mother's, her head covered in dark hair like her father's, her wide eyes and her plump full lips. Gemma smiled as each and every one of the tough outlaw bikers fell head over heels for her newborn granddaughter – just as they had done with Lis when she was born.


End file.
